Standing there, I felt guilt and shame. I couldn't get myself to sing.It just didn't feel right.

I felt so far away and cold to the extent that I did not even want to lift up my hands to tell Him i love Him. I wish i could because I do, but after I disobeyed Him and hurt Him so many countless of times, I just couldn't. I would be a hypocrite If i did so.

I know he would forgive me if only I'd asked but I didn't think I was worthy enough for anymore of His forgiveness.I hoped that he would whisper to me to tell me that its ok and to tell me personally that He still loved me but it didn't seem like I could hear Him. He's gone, I thought.

The worship ended and it was time for the preaching.
I haven't been going to church for some time now and wasn't expecting anything extraordinary that day.
As the pastor explained how this week was suppose to be a cell group discussion thing but somehow felt led to stray from the actual schedule and go on with what God has put in his heart to preach that day, a tingling sensation suddenly rushed down my spine,literally...

the first thing the pastor did was play a song called Mercy came running.
As the music played and the lyrics were projected on the wall, I knew He was speaking to me and I immediately felt his presence again and felt him holding me in His arms and telling me that its ok and that He is always there for me.
Indeed, His mercy endures forever..

The pastor went on preaching to us about the parable of the prodigal son
( luke 15:11-32)
I may have heard this parable many many times but it never really did speak to me as much as it did that day.
He reminded me that He never left me and He is always just one breath away.
He was always waiting to embrace and welcome me home no matter how much I have made him sad.
Truly,there is no one else in this world who has such grace and mercy and love..No one.

The service ended with a replay of the song and another song called when God ran.
I rededicated my life to Him and I am so happy and thankful that He is my Lord and saviour.
always and forever...




when the sin i carried was all i could see
when i could not reach mercy,
mercy came running to me.